--- On Sun, 6/27/10, Matt Longmuir <mwlongmuir@gmail.com> wrote:


From: Matt Longmuir <mwlongmuir@gmail.com>
Subject: Religious Query
To: pastor_ezekiel_1@yahoo.com
Date: Sunday, June 27, 2010, 9:08 PM


Dear Father,

I have found myself in a bit of a religious conundrum. See, just the other day I was having a well constructed debate with my friends over coffee after church last Sunday. Seemingly out of nowhere, my friend Jeremiah launched an earth shattering hypothetical.

Now, I initially took his question as mindless rambling, until I began to ponder upon it. I was sitting in the shade beneath my weeping willow tree in the front yard, feeling the cool breeze drift gently through my hair, the sweet smell of spring in my nostrils. It was at this point in which said question returned to my thoughts as if carried by the wind itself and I began to brainstorm.

I found myself at a dead end and figured I should reach out to somebody with a little more hands on experience when dealing with our Lord almighty.

His question was, "could God make a burrito so hot that even he himself could not eat it?"

Any insight on such a mind boggling complex situation would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much.

God bless.

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On Mon, Jun 28, 2010 at 12:52 AM, Pastor Zeke <pastor_ezekiel_1@yahoo.com> wrote:

Dear Godmocking Maggot;

Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule of worshiping satan and being sodomized by strangers in public toilets to send me this hateful message. The Holy Bible tells us that I am actually Blessed by your persecution! Thanks for proving that I'm right.


Matthew 5:10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

5:11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

5:12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Enjoy hell. I know that Jesus and I can't wait to watch you burn in hell for all eternity. Oh, how we'll laugh at you as you scream in agony! Shout Glory!!

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel


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From: Matt Longmuir <mwlongmuir@gmail.com>
Subject: Religious Query
To: pastor_ezekiel_1@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, June 28, 2010, 10:22 PM

Dear Father,

That's all good and well, and I appreciate your support, but you neglected to answer my question. Let me clarify about the temperature of said processed food item. This burrito is so hot that no earthly thermometer could possibly withstand the sheer aura of awesome this Mexican delight emits. The ingredients would all be home grown or locally grown and sold in all natural grocery stores. The prices may be a little higher, but honestly, it's worth it to ensure that the ingested nourishment is free of unhealthy chemicals, right? I agree.

Awaiting your answer,

-Jesus' faithful servant.